Confessing an Anxious Heart

Over the past week (or more) I have been convicted about my general attitude toward many things.  Although I am abundantly blessed and have so much to be thankful for beyond what I could have ever dreamed, I find myself complaining or being easily frustrated and angered.  As much as I would love to blame it on the pregnancy hormones, I know this is not the character I was called to have regardless of what my hormones are doing.  Honestly, most of my anxiety comes from a lack of intentional time with Jesus and self-discipline.  I am called to love others (ALL others) deeply and selflessly, to serve, to be self-controlled, and to  "be anxious about nothing." These are traits that have not defined me as of late, and I am confessing this because I don't want the pattern to continue.

Having intentional time alone with the Lord the last few days, writing in my journal, and setting goals to help in the self-discipline areas that I struggle with has been so refreshing for my soul.  Instead of getting easily angered at a difficult customer or frustrated and overwhelmed with busyness at work, I am able to start off the day looking forward to the time I have with my amazing coworkers and meeting new friends on the fit stool.  I find that I am less on edge at home and can let things blow over before they start - whereas I had really been struggling to just relax and trust how much WBH loves me and our baby. My desire is to continue engaging in these quiet times and putting into practice what I know to be true, even when my silly, irrational emotions are trying to tell me otherwise.

I am truly blessed beyond measure.  I am so in love with my Savior, and so in love with my husband (I still count down the hours 'til I get to see him again each day).  I am grateful for a wonderful job with supportive and hilarious coworkers that make each day fun.  I am thankful for the life that is kicking in my belly right now. Our church body and life class has been one of the biggest, most surprising blessings of all in these last 9 months of our new marriage.  I am even thankful for the overcast weather we have been enjoying for about a week and a half now - it makes me feel cozy and Fall-like, and mixed with our pumpkin spice candle, it is beyond peaceful.

So this is not a baby bump update or really any post of insight, just me being transparent and throwing some thoughts out there as a nice gentlemen paints our front door and probably 131 spiders are crawling into our home (another reason I am grateful for my husband ;-) ).

28 Week Update!

So a few months back, I had posted on Thursdays and said I was X number of weeks, 6 days...I was wrong.  I actually "age up" on Thursdays, so I was actually up to the next week by those posts.  So that means today I am...

How far along? 27 weeks 6 days - YAY third trimester!

Total weight gain/loss: +15 lbs (I think I am still here, haven't weighed myself in a few days.  Doctor's appt on Tuesday will get us up to date).

Maternity clothes? Oh yeah.  Still wearing my stretchy exercise pants, but even some of them cut into my tummy.  Shirts are getting too tight.  I am SO excited that the weather is cooling down so I can wear Fall clothes and not be dying of heat - I gave up shorts a while ago.

Stretch marks? Not yet. PTL.

Sleep: Same same - up to pee several times and sleep is definitely not as restful.

Best moment this week: I have been running a little bit! Just 2-3 miles here and there (maybe 3-4 times in a week), and averaging about a 10:40 pace, but I will take it!  My belly below belly button is usually sore afterward, but I am always glad when I've gotten out there!

Miss Anything? I get a little jealous of people training for marathons and look forward to training for the Rock N Roll Raleigh Half with my hubby after baby boy is born!

Movement: Yes! He's getting more predictable and I feel him more often, which is fun.  I still think he is pretty chill in there, just prodding at me here and there - and then every once in a while he goes bananas and kicks and punches real fast all over for a few minutes.  This makes me and WBH giggle.

Food cravings: I just eat like a lot...a lot.

Anything making you queasy or sick: DEFINITELY more sensitive to how things smell.  If I over extend myself I get really overheated and dizzy (back achy too). Workin' on that.

Have you started to show yet: I think so!  But still don't think folks that don't know me would guess I was pregnant.  It's a little awkward with some of my customers when they ask how much I run and I say "Not a whole lot since I've been pregnant-" and they respond, "Oh, you're pregnant? Cool..." and look me up and down.  I want to just say, "Yes! I am six and a half months pregnant, that's why my gut is stickin' out while I bend down to tie your shoes."

Gender: Little man!

Labor Signs: No no no. (I did have a dream I went into labor though.)

Belly Button in or out? In, and will probably stay that way.

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Happy or Moody most of the time: I am happy most of the time, but ANYTHING can make me cry and I get frustrated way more easily. :-/

Size of Baby: About 14.9 inches and about 2.25 lbs! He's growin'!

Looking forward to: SO SO much!  I will post below...

Here is my bathroom selfie/bump picture for this week:

In other Jones Family News:

WBH and I are just having a great time bein' in love and being thankful for SO many blessings that God has granted us.  WBH is the BEST (obviously, that's what the 'B' stands for).  I am so grateful for the way he loves me and BabyJ and takes care of us.  He is such a hard worker and is also really really handsome. He starts a new job on Monday that we are so excited about!  Our friends just had a healthy little boy last night and we can't wait to meet him and love on them. Next weekend we are going camping with our Life Class and the State Fair comes to town!  We are going to Vermont for Thanksgiving - I have not been to VT for Thanksgiving in years and years...I think 2007 was the last year I got to go.  We can't wait to share that time with family and friends up there!  Not long after that, we will celebrate Christmas with WBH's family in NC and then it's time for the little one to arrive just after New Year's!

This is such a whirlwind-of-wonderful-things season and we certainly have so much to be thankful for!

Five Months With The WBH...and the little one on the way!

Well, amazingly, it has been three months since I last posted, and yet again, there is SO much to share, but I will try to make all the long stories short (and if you know me, you know how hard this is).

I'll start with the 5 month marriage update -

Truthfully, much of this is the same as it was three months ago.  I still have the World's Best Husband and am grateful for every day with him. I never get tired of our life together and there is nothing I would rather do more than spend all of my minutes doing any and everything with him.  He is my best friend and the hardest worker I know.  He takes care of the tiny/creepy centipedes and spiders and honors me with sweet words and kisses.   It's great.  I love him.

 Exactly two months ago (April 26), I was feeling pretty weird all day long, and even though I didn't think this could really be the case, I grabbed a pregnancy test and took it as soon as I got home.  WBH and I were going out to a Sound Of Music Sing-a-long (I know, he's the greatest!) that night, so after I, ahem, peed on the stick, I ran around the house to grab everything for the picnic.  I came back after the obligatory two minutes to see what it said, and my mind. was. blown. I raced to pick WBH up at work and told him the news.  He claims he knew WELL before the test, but even if I thought it was a possibility, I definitely did not think it would be the case.  

We did a little celebrating, but were cautious.  I've had so many friends miscarry in the first trimester, so I was actually a little doubtful that there was really a baby in there. I waited to call the doctor for two weeks.  Finally we booked an appointment, and at that first appointment at about 6.5 weeks they did a few tests and then we talked to a nurse - nothing too crazy, but it was exciting.  Two weeks later we went back and got to see the little baby and hear his/her heartbeat!  This was an amazing thing!  I did not expect the baby to look like a baby at all and he/she totally did -squirming around and everything.

Baby J - 8 wks 4 days

It was at this appointment that we learned I had actually ovulated a week early.  So the answer to that question everyone wants to ask, but might not, is no, we were not planning to get pregnant at this time, but God's plans are much bigger than ours and we are grateful for His perfect timing.

I was feeling pretty miserable until the last week - not throwing up, but nauseated constantly.  WBH was AMAZING, as usual, and took such good care of me - making me breakfast before I got out of bed, being patient through my constant groanings, rubbing my back, taking me to whatever food sounded appealing at whatever time. Sweet sweet man, I would not have made it without him!  Weeks 6-11.5 will not be missed, this I can say with confidence.

And here we are!  I am 12 weeks, 5 days now and the little one is growing and healthy and kicking up a storm (I can't feel it, but we saw it yesterday at our 12 week appointment).  We know that children are a blessing and are amazed that God would entrust us with this life! Praise the Lord.

Baby J - 12 wks 4 days

How far along? 12 weeks 5 days

Total weight gain/loss: +2 lbs

Maternity clothes? My wonderful mom-in-law bought me some maternity clothes and I will wear a maternity shirt and shorts here and there.  I don't really need them, but they do feel more comfortable (and maternity shirt is much more flattering on my stupidly large boobs these days).

Stretch marks? Nothing that I haven't had since puberty ;-)

Sleep: This has been no good since before we knew I was pregnant!  I am up peeing an average of 4 times a night.

Best moment this week: Seeing BabyJ kickin' me at the ultrasound yesterday and hearing the heart beat again!  So active!  Definitely WBH's child :).

Miss Anything? Every once in a while if WBH has a beer it smells freakishly good to me.

Movement: We know he or she is moving quite a bit, but not feeling anything yet!  Little while longer.

Food cravings: Beef, grits and lemonade...I usually won't get anything but water at restaurants, and now I pretty much always get lemonade when we go out.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Some smells, and if I go more than two hours without eating I am down for the count (not really sure what that phrase means).

Have you started to show yet: Not really.  I have some pudge in my stomach, but I think it's mostly from bloat/not being able to exercise the last several weeks.

Gender: Don't know yet!  We will find out in 8 weeks!

Labor Signs: No no no.

Belly Button in or out? In, and will probably stay that way.  I feel like I have an endless inny.

Wedding rings on or off? On - fingers feel the same right now.

Happy or Moody most of the time: Half and half, more easily irritated, but I am a very happy lady right now.

Size of Baby: About the size of a lime! A little over 2 inches head to rump, about half an ounce.

Looking forward to: Feeling the baby kick and Fall!

12 wks 3 days along!

Baby J is due January 2nd, 2014!