Expecting #3, Part 1

I recently read through all of my pregnancy updates with BigBro and it got me thinking about a few things-

1.  I really like being able to look back and see the progression that led to our sweet sweet BigBro.
2. Wow! I really left that on a cliff hanger and need to at LEAST post his birth story for a finale sometime.  AND
3. I wish I had recorded along the way for our HeavenGirl. 

So now that we are expecting our third baby at the end of September, I want to start posting some updates to cherish for later seasons.

Why "Part 1?"

Some of you (if any ever read this) may not have even known we were expecting a baby before this one and others know of our loss and want to know what happened.  The "what happened" will be addressed here, and a follow-up post about how we are doing this time around and my current weekly progress will be posted separately.

Here is the story, told as briefly as possible, about our HeavenGirl.

We were absolutely not trying to get pregnant when I took the pregnancy test that informed us that yes, 4.5 months after our BigBro was born, we were expecting another baby blessing.  We were still overjoyed and trusted that children truly truly are a good gift from God. I waited a while to go to the doctor because, hey, I'd been through all of that like 5 days ago...okay, like a year ago.  Everything was going well, I was active, not spotting, had morning sickness that passed by the 2nd trimester, nothing super eventful.  I finally decided to make an appointment when I was about what I thought was 15 weeks along (I never had my period, but guessed based on my morning sickness).  Doctor and ultrasound tech confirmed that I was, indeed, 15.5 weeks and all looked great - they could even tell we were having a girl(!) already and our anatomy scan at 18 weeks confirmed that we definitely were!  Everything looked great at the 18 week appointment and we went on our way with our next appointment scheduled for Sep 30 (remember that date) at 22 weeks. 

I felt HeavenGirl kick quite a bit over the next couple weeks - we moved into our first home, I ramped up my running, cleaned and painted our new home quite a bit, played with BigBro and WBH constantly.  I stopped feeling HeavenGirl around 20 weeks, but wasn't concerned because I hadn't felt BigBro consistently until after 23 weeks or so (both babies had anterior placentas). 

The night before our 22 week check up, I told WBH that I was slightly nervous about the appointment the next day, but had no good reason to be.  He asked if I wanted him to come along (we were so chill about appts at this point because we'd beed to so many in the past year and a half) and I said no, that it would be silly for him to miss work for a quick heart beat check.

I had 9 month old  BigBro in tow at the 22 week check up and as we strolled into the office, the nurse handed me a paper and said, "This is for your glucose test at your next appointment." I was secretly excited, knowing glucose testing means I am that much closer to meeting my little girl! Dr. Groff came in, had me hop up on the chair, and gelled me up for the heartbeat check.  After searching for a couple minutes without finding a heartbeat, she said we should just have an ultrasound instead of fishing around any longer.  I immediately texted WBH (who left work and came to the office), my mom, and a close friend I had been in touch with that morning.  BigBro and I headed to the fancy ultrasound room and the sweet Tech looked at HeavenGirl on the screen while we waited for Dr. Groff to come in. As soon as she got in, she said "No heartbeat?" And I burst into tears.  WBH showed up not long after and we were given our options for how to proceed to deliver our sweet, precious, dead baby girl.

The next 24 hours was long and hard as we spent the night in the hospital, waiting and waiting to deliver our baby.  The nurses were sweet, but we just wanted the whole thing to be over.  There is nothing like waiting for the pains of labor to deliver a child you will never meet on this side of Heaven.  I won't go into more details because I don't want to cry right now and I do have them written down in a personal journal, but know that we did deliver our sweet HeavenGirl the following afternoon (Oct 1st) and God is good.  We rejoice, knowing that she is not at all sad to be missing life with us here, she is with our Savior in perfect peace! She never knew the suffering of this world and we praise God for that, even though we miss her so so much. 

For those that wonder what went wrong - we don't really know.  It seemed that her umbilical cord was pinched right where it met her belly button, but we aren't sure why.  Our doctors have said there is no reason to suspect that this will happen again in a future pregnancy, and that is really all we have. We trust that is how God created her - to have fulfilled her purpose for His glory by only 22 weeks in the womb.  She is an amazing girl!

36 Week Update!

How far along? 36 Weeks, 2 days!

Total weight gain/loss: I am not completely sure, but I think I'm up 25lbs.

Maternity clothes? Mostly, but still wearing my running tights and capris and some t-shirts.

Stretch marks? Not yet. PTL!

Sleep: Getting to be less good - I seem to only be able to sleep on my left side, but then I wake up aching with all the pressure on that side (and of course have to pee every time) and have a hard time falling back to sleep.  I am grateful that I am only mildly uncomfortable because I know many others at this point are in lots of pain when it comes to sleeping.

Best moment this week: We have some very exciting weeks ahead! But for this week - we had a fun time packing toys with our small group for a mission trip to Kenya that a group from church is taking.  We also had a great time at my work Christmas party and just getting to hang out with WBH is great.

Miss Anything? I think just not having to pee all. the. time.

Movement: He is really moving a lot and I can tell he is getting bigger and bigger because the movements are so big!  He is also capable of waking me up at night with a jab in the ribs - which, even though it is somewhat painful, doesn't bother me because it means he is strong and growing.  He's also been getting the hiccups quite a bit in there, which is really cute :).

Food cravings: I just want all food pretty much.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Actually no...feeling good!

Have you started to show yet: Yes!

Gender: Boy!

Labor Signs: Nothing so far - hopefully very soon!

Belly Button in or out? Still so far in.

Wedding rings on or off? On

Happy or Moody most of the time: I am happy! But I do get tired more easily.

Size of Baby: Counting from his estimated weight at 32ish weeks, he may be as heavy as 6.5 lbs! Not a clue about how long he is at this point.

Looking forward to: Baby showers today and tomorrow, lots of Christmas celebrations, and meeting this little man!!

And just for general Jones household news: We had a wonderful trip to Vermont for Thanksgiving!  The weather was much more bearable than I was expecting and we even hiked one day and ran the next and didn't freeze to death! It was great to see my mom and brothers and their ladies and mom's small group.  I can't wait to be reunited with family again. This month, WBH and I are excited to celebrate Christmas with both our workplaces, our small group family, and WBH's family.  We are also getting ready to pack up and move in mid-January (yep, just after baby is born).  It is a crazy and exciting time!

Hey!  This week it's not a selfie!

36 wks, 2 days
I understand that in this picture I am, in fact,
barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen.  It's cool.

33 Week Update!

Sorry I did not update last week! I thought about it briefly, but naturally things are getting busier this time of year and I find that I want to sleep if I ever have an extended amount of time free during the day - so I probably napped instead ;-).

How far along? 33 Weeks! Less than 50 days til little boy's due date!

Total weight gain/loss: I am not completely sure, but I am guessing between 20 and 22 lbs.

Maternity clothes? Yes, when they are clean!  I am trying to not have to buy an entire wardrobe, so I wear WBH's tees if I can or leave the bottom buttons of my coat undone, haha.

Stretch marks? Not yet. PTL!

Sleep: Some good nights and some less good...I am DEF taking more naps now! (same) Also, we just got some delicious flannel sheets and I sleep MUCH better on them for some reason,

Best moment this week: LOTS of "best" moments. Had an ultrasound at dr appt on Tuesday and Dr said it was "Just beautiful!" Placenta has moved up (it was down at 20 weeks, so they wanted to recheck at 32), baby's head is down (though I guess he could still flip?), and heart rate was great!

Miss Anything? I just stopped being able to bend over without baby getting all in my ribs.  A couple days ago I was shaving and noticed that I physically could not bend over to reach my legs properly because there was a solid mass there!

Movement: Yes! More and more and I try to cherish every one :).

Food cravings: Doughnuts. For real.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Actually no...feeling good!

Have you started to show yet: Yes! Though I can still hide it with a hoodie or baggy enough shirt.

Gender: Tiny boy!

Labor Signs: I have experienced a few Braxton-Hicks contractions, but not actually anything related to labor yet.

Belly Button in or out? Still so far in.

Wedding rings on or off? On

Happy or Moody most of the time: I am happy most of the time, but ANYTHING can make me cry and I get frustrated way more easily...this is actually getting a little better though too :).

Size of Baby: They estimated he is 4 lbs 13 oz at the Dr. on Tuesday!  Wow! Almost 5 lbs!  They didn't do a length measurement, but most sites say he would be about 17 inches now. Crazy!

Looking forward to: Right now I am REALLY looking forward to going to VT for Thanksgiving and seeing my mom and brothers and sister-in-law.

And just for general Jones household news: I have the best husband in the whole world.  He is so patient and understanding and loving and makes me feel beautiful even when I know that I have kind of a weirdly distorted body right now.  He works hard at work and still helps so much with cleaning and cooking and taking care of our home.  I am so incredibly blessed to have him and thank Jesus every single day for such a wonderful (and super handsome) man!

Here is my bathroom selfie/bump picture for LAST week.  I will probably take one later today for this week and add it, but am too lazy right now:

32 weeks (11/7/13)

31 Week Update!

How far along? 31 weeks! 2 more months!

Total weight gain/loss: +17 lbs. Little bit less than before, I think just exercising a little bit more and being slightly more conscious of what I'm eating has contributed to this.  Don't worry, I am absolutely not trying to lose weight ;-).

Maternity clothes? Yes yes yes. They are so much more comfy and flattering!

Stretch marks? Not yet. PTL!

Sleep: Some good nights and some less good...I am DEF taking more naps now!

Best moment this week: LOTS of "best" moments.  Baby's heart beat was good at doctor's appt, hangin' out with WBH, feeling good enough to run a few days this week, started our birthing class on Monday!

Miss Anything? Not a whole lot really...maybe fitting into some of my clothes.

Movement: Yes! I love feeling him move more and more and become stronger.  My favorite is when he kinda squirms around (vs. prodding).

Food cravings: Sandwiches!!

Anything making you queasy or sick: Actually no...feeling good!

Have you started to show yet: Yes! I think I must have "popped out" this week because starting last Saturday EVERY customer I had asked when I was due, and yesterday I went for a walk and passed a lady at a bus stop that said "That looks like it could be a boy!  You workin' it, ain't you?!"  Hahaha, it is great!

Gender: Little mister!

Labor Signs: Nothing now.

Belly Button in or out? Still so far in.

Wedding rings on or off? On

Happy or Moody most of the time: I am happy most of the time, but ANYTHING can make me cry and I get frustrated way more easily...this is actually getting a little better though too :).

Size of Baby: A little over 16 inches and around 3.3 lbs!

Looking forward to: Right now I am REALLY looking forward to going to VT for Thanksgiving and seeing my mom and brothers and sister-in-law.  Also I was going to say Christmas music, but I have been feeling SO Christmassy recently that I broke it out earlier this week :).

Here is my bathroom selfie/bump picture for this week:

31 Weeks! Headin' out for some exercise on a beautiful day!

Just for contrast - this was 21 wks

30 Week Update!

How far along? 30 Weeks!  10ish left to go.

Total weight gain/loss: +20 lbs.

Maternity clothes? Same as last time...Still wearing my stretchy exercise pants, but even some of them cut into my tummy.  Shirts are getting too tight.

Stretch marks? Not yet. PTL.

Sleep: Actually only up to pee once a night now, but it takes me a very long time to fall asleep once I've gotten up.

Best moment this week: WBH and I watching my belly move all crazy as baby is getting bigger.

Miss Anything? I get a little jealous of people training for marathons and look forward to training for the Rock N Roll Raleigh Half with my hubby after baby boy is born!

Movement: Yes! He actually kicked/punched my right ribs hard enough earlier this week that it made me jump and let out a yelp.

Food cravings: Kinda craving more sweets (this could just be the weather though).

Anything making you queasy or sick: DEFINITELY more sensitive to how things smell.  If I over extend myself I get really overheated and dizzy (back achy too). Workin' on that.

Have you started to show yet: Yes, more now I think. I have had three customers comment about my pregnant belly without thinking twice, so that makes me feel like I look more pregnant and less just fat.

Gender: Baby boy!

Labor Signs: Nothing now.

Belly Button in or out? Still so far in.

Wedding rings on or off? On and I just got them cleaned, so they look extra pretty :).

Happy or Moody most of the time: I am happy most of the time, but ANYTHING can make me cry and I get frustrated way more easily. :-/

Size of Baby: About 16 inches and about 3 lbs! Can't believe it!

Looking forward to: Still all of those things from before, but even more wanting to meet this baby!

Here is my bathroom selfie/bump picture for this week:

29 wks 6 days (Sorry it's kinda hard to see)

Confessing an Anxious Heart

Over the past week (or more) I have been convicted about my general attitude toward many things.  Although I am abundantly blessed and have so much to be thankful for beyond what I could have ever dreamed, I find myself complaining or being easily frustrated and angered.  As much as I would love to blame it on the pregnancy hormones, I know this is not the character I was called to have regardless of what my hormones are doing.  Honestly, most of my anxiety comes from a lack of intentional time with Jesus and self-discipline.  I am called to love others (ALL others) deeply and selflessly, to serve, to be self-controlled, and to  "be anxious about nothing." These are traits that have not defined me as of late, and I am confessing this because I don't want the pattern to continue.

Having intentional time alone with the Lord the last few days, writing in my journal, and setting goals to help in the self-discipline areas that I struggle with has been so refreshing for my soul.  Instead of getting easily angered at a difficult customer or frustrated and overwhelmed with busyness at work, I am able to start off the day looking forward to the time I have with my amazing coworkers and meeting new friends on the fit stool.  I find that I am less on edge at home and can let things blow over before they start - whereas I had really been struggling to just relax and trust how much WBH loves me and our baby. My desire is to continue engaging in these quiet times and putting into practice what I know to be true, even when my silly, irrational emotions are trying to tell me otherwise.

I am truly blessed beyond measure.  I am so in love with my Savior, and so in love with my husband (I still count down the hours 'til I get to see him again each day).  I am grateful for a wonderful job with supportive and hilarious coworkers that make each day fun.  I am thankful for the life that is kicking in my belly right now. Our church body and life class has been one of the biggest, most surprising blessings of all in these last 9 months of our new marriage.  I am even thankful for the overcast weather we have been enjoying for about a week and a half now - it makes me feel cozy and Fall-like, and mixed with our pumpkin spice candle, it is beyond peaceful.

So this is not a baby bump update or really any post of insight, just me being transparent and throwing some thoughts out there as a nice gentlemen paints our front door and probably 131 spiders are crawling into our home (another reason I am grateful for my husband ;-) ).

28 Week Update!

So a few months back, I had posted on Thursdays and said I was X number of weeks, 6 days...I was wrong.  I actually "age up" on Thursdays, so I was actually up to the next week by those posts.  So that means today I am...

How far along? 27 weeks 6 days - YAY third trimester!

Total weight gain/loss: +15 lbs (I think I am still here, haven't weighed myself in a few days.  Doctor's appt on Tuesday will get us up to date).

Maternity clothes? Oh yeah.  Still wearing my stretchy exercise pants, but even some of them cut into my tummy.  Shirts are getting too tight.  I am SO excited that the weather is cooling down so I can wear Fall clothes and not be dying of heat - I gave up shorts a while ago.

Stretch marks? Not yet. PTL.

Sleep: Same same - up to pee several times and sleep is definitely not as restful.

Best moment this week: I have been running a little bit! Just 2-3 miles here and there (maybe 3-4 times in a week), and averaging about a 10:40 pace, but I will take it!  My belly below belly button is usually sore afterward, but I am always glad when I've gotten out there!

Miss Anything? I get a little jealous of people training for marathons and look forward to training for the Rock N Roll Raleigh Half with my hubby after baby boy is born!

Movement: Yes! He's getting more predictable and I feel him more often, which is fun.  I still think he is pretty chill in there, just prodding at me here and there - and then every once in a while he goes bananas and kicks and punches real fast all over for a few minutes.  This makes me and WBH giggle.

Food cravings: I just eat like a lot...a lot.

Anything making you queasy or sick: DEFINITELY more sensitive to how things smell.  If I over extend myself I get really overheated and dizzy (back achy too). Workin' on that.

Have you started to show yet: I think so!  But still don't think folks that don't know me would guess I was pregnant.  It's a little awkward with some of my customers when they ask how much I run and I say "Not a whole lot since I've been pregnant-" and they respond, "Oh, you're pregnant? Cool..." and look me up and down.  I want to just say, "Yes! I am six and a half months pregnant, that's why my gut is stickin' out while I bend down to tie your shoes."

Gender: Little man!

Labor Signs: No no no. (I did have a dream I went into labor though.)

Belly Button in or out? In, and will probably stay that way.

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Happy or Moody most of the time: I am happy most of the time, but ANYTHING can make me cry and I get frustrated way more easily. :-/

Size of Baby: About 14.9 inches and about 2.25 lbs! He's growin'!

Looking forward to: SO SO much!  I will post below...

Here is my bathroom selfie/bump picture for this week:

In other Jones Family News:

WBH and I are just having a great time bein' in love and being thankful for SO many blessings that God has granted us.  WBH is the BEST (obviously, that's what the 'B' stands for).  I am so grateful for the way he loves me and BabyJ and takes care of us.  He is such a hard worker and is also really really handsome. He starts a new job on Monday that we are so excited about!  Our friends just had a healthy little boy last night and we can't wait to meet him and love on them. Next weekend we are going camping with our Life Class and the State Fair comes to town!  We are going to Vermont for Thanksgiving - I have not been to VT for Thanksgiving in years and years...I think 2007 was the last year I got to go.  We can't wait to share that time with family and friends up there!  Not long after that, we will celebrate Christmas with WBH's family in NC and then it's time for the little one to arrive just after New Year's!

This is such a whirlwind-of-wonderful-things season and we certainly have so much to be thankful for!