The Words I Said

On March 10th, we had an incredible celebration of my dad's life, where I was privileged to speak (also my dear friend, Sha, turned a year older!).  A few people have asked to have a copy of what was said, so I decided to post it here. And, truthfully, this seems the best weekend to post it.  This weekend is the greatest celebration of all, and the only reason I was able to speak with absolute confidence (through tears, naturally) at my dad's service. It is my sincere hope that the words I said will give you a small glimpse of who my daddy and my Daddy are.

My dad was a great dad. He taught us well. He loved us.  He was generous. He was a provider and a fighter. He was my daddy, and he was wonderful. I can’t imagine living life without him – to help guide and love me.  My dad ran hard – spiritually and physically.  He loved the Lord and my mommy and my brothers and me. He understood the importance of working hard at all things.  He kept a cool head when I was an irrational, silly girl, and spoke truth to my heart. I think I took for granted that I could just pick up and call him whenever I needed him – at work or home or out for a run.  

So I am sad.  We are sad.  Our hearts are broken like never before. Our lives are changed forever.  Nothing will be the same. It is confusing and hard. 

But there is a greater joy.  There is an overwhelming hope.  My dad believed in and knew Jesus.  He believed and professed that He came to this earth, God in the flesh, lived a perfect life, and sacrificed His own life so we could know Him forever. My dad knew that Jesus was who He said He was.  My dad also held onto the hope that this God-man conquered death, and that meant that he could be in Heaven in the presence of his Savior, fully basking in His goodness and glory for all eternity. And this hope drove him. 

And so we hold on to this same hope.  We know and profess that God is good – in all circumstances, at all times. This Jesus who we love, who we know holds our broken hearts so tightly in His arms, suffered a deeper loss than we could ever know.  He suffered the infinite loss of His Daddy on the cross so that the rest of the world would have the chance to spend forever with His father.  There is no one more worthy of holding our hearts in this time.  

The day he died, I was driving to a friend’s and, you know, crying…a lot.  But I had this picture of my dad, in Heaven, shouting excitedly and fervently – “It is so much more than we could have imagined.  Christ is MORE.  He is so much more!  Tell more people! They need to know.  Tell more!” So this is what I intend to do. And I hope if you don’t know this perfect Jesus, if you haven’t trusted Him with your life, you won’t hesitate to ask one of us. It would truly bring us great joy to talk about our dad’s best friend, deepest love, and Father with you. 

And we rejoice.  Though we mourn, we rejoice and praise God that this life is a vapor in comparison to eternity, where we will dance and sing with our dad again in perfect relationship without any tears or sadness.  We rejoice that my dad’s faith is now his sight.

Not Alone

This post is a long time coming, but a few really crazy things have gone down this March 2012.

Well, I lost my daddy about a month ago, and that has changed everything.  I'm still living in the same town, working the same job, doing the same routine, but everything is different.  I don't know where I'll be in 6 months...I don't even know what tomorrow looks like.  If I have learned anything in the last year, it is that nothing is guaranteed.  I have no idea what any given day may hold.

The hardest part of this loss is that nobody's life changed except for my family's and mine.  And my family isn't with me in Raleigh. People are sad, but nobody else lost their umbrella of protection when my dad died.  Just me.  So when my Life Class from church reached out to help me bear the weight of this loss in such amazing ways, I was overwhelmed with gratitude. These exceptional people have provided meals, friendship, and love in ways that I never could have asked for.  The support and affirmation from this church body has encouraged me and given me strength when I didn't have anything left.  The worst is far from over.  Truthfully, the hurt seems to get worse everyday - but I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that I am cared for and loved.  I am provided for and prayed for.  I am not alone.

This is not to say that there haven't been so many others of you who have made this journey so much more bearable.  Every card, every post, every email, every text, every comment makes a world of difference.  Prayers for my family are the most important and have not gone unnoticed.  THANK YOU for all you've done for us.  There truly aren't words for what my heart wants to say. So thank you.  Thank you for being a light to remember when it feels like there will only be darkness. Thank you for being an ear to listen when I'm crying and almost out of hope.  Thank you for your patience as I grieve and heal.  Thank you for reminding my family that we are not alone in our loss and that this earth is not forever and that there is so much more - there is ceaseless joy - waiting for us for eternity. Thank you.

Oh, hey...and P.S. Big Brother got MARRIED!! And now I have a first ever SISTER!  So happy for this couple!